Sweet and Kind
November 11, 2025
My mother died suddenly this past July. She was 88 years old and died just a year and a half after my Dad’s sudden going-home. That year and a half with Mom was challenging but also solid gold because I got to know my mother without the constant influence of Dad. Dad was the talker of the couple, and he tended to dominate the conversations, much more than I realized. Without Dad there, I got to know my mother as the independent person who answered for herself.
My mom was clever and well-read. She did not blurt out whatever popped into her head. To have a conversation with her, you had to sometimes allow for a long awkward pause before she would answer. She was always listening to the conversation and processing before she would finally add her one- or two-sentence perspective, which was usually spot on and sometimes hilarious.
One thing I heard repeatedly from her friends and neighbors at the funeral was that my mom was a sweet and kind lady. Part of that sweet kindness was her habit of sending a thoughtful card or bringing a loaf of homemade bread. Actions speak louder than words. But I am sure that part of her sweetness was that she carefully monitored her words. She did not use her words as weapons to “win” a conversation and she did not gossip. She would also check herself when she thought she was complaining too much.
Mom told me that Dad had always encouraged her to talk more. She never did while he was alive. Mom would allow Dad to talk on and on until he irritated someone with his opinions, or he had painted himself in a corner. Then, she would frown at him and calmly call for an end to that conversation topic. I was reminded of my mother’s communication style recently when reading the infamous chapter 3 of the Book of James.
2 For we all often stumble and fall and offend in many things. And if anyone does not offend in speech [never says the wrong things], he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature.
3 If we set bits in the horses’ mouths to make them obey us, we can turn their whole bodies about.
4 Likewise, look at the ships: though they are so great and are driven by rough winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the impulse of the helmsman determines.
5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze!
6 And the tongue is a fire. [The tongue is a] world of wickedness set among our members, contaminating and depraving the whole body and setting on fire the wheel of birth (the cycle of man’s nature), being itself ignited by hell (Gehenna).
7 For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea animal, can be tamed and has been tamed by human genius (nature).
8 But the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God’s likeness!
10 Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so. (AMPC)
James tells us that it is impossible for a human, in his own strength, to tame his tongue. It is only through the presence of the Holy Spirit in the heart of the believer that allows us any hope of controlling our powerful tongues. Words can bless or they can destroy relationships, reputations, hopes, and lives.
In a world that is constantly bombarding us with words that are not edifying, we should not be afraid of the long awkward pauses. Mom was a fan of Mark Twain who famously wrote: “It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Sometimes the sweetest and kindest thing to say is nothing.
Jesus used the long awkward silence before he answered to great effect in his earthly ministry (see John 8:3-11). Pausing gives us time to think and to find a gentle or kind response. The modern desire to always fill silent pauses in a conversation is a significant opportunity to offend or it is a missed opportunity to speak sweetly and kindly.
Prayer: As King David prayed, set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth and keep the door of my lips. Forgive me for those things I have said that have offended. Let me pause long enough to consider the impact of my words and to consult the Holy Spirit before I speak. I know that a soft answer turns away wrath. Let Your love, mercy, and kindness shine through my words and actions. Amen. (Psalm 141:3, Proverbs 15:1)