Adapting to My Husband (Part 6 – Titus 2:3-5)
December 30, 2025
As mentioned in previous posts, I am getting my head around the reality that I am now the “older” generation. I am exploring my new role as an older woman and have landed on what St. Paul wrote to Titus about the conduct and responsibility of older women in the church, found in Titus 2:3-5.
3 Bid the older women similarly to be reverent and devout in their deportment as becomes those engaged in sacred service, not slanderers or slaves to drink. They are to give good counsel and be teachers of what is right and noble,
4 So that they will wisely train the young women to be sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children,
5 To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited). (AMPC)
Stay with me on this volatile topic that states a wife should adapt and subordinate herself to her husband. In addition to adapting and subordinating, various bible translations of these verses in Titus use these words: obedient, serve, be a good wife, be subject, submissive. Paul says something similar in Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord, and Colossians 3:18 states Wives, be subject to your husbands [subordinate and adapt yourselves to them], as is right and fitting and your proper duty in the Lord.
There was a time in my life when I completely dismissed ALL the writings of St. Paul because I did not care for the message of these specific verses. I was unwilling to be or act in any manner other than expecting to be treated as a full and equal partner in the marriage. In reality, what I really wanted was to always have things my way. I did not understand that being a Christian meant I was no longer my own. 1 Corinthians 6:19:
Do you not know that your body is the temple (the very sanctuary) of the Holy Spirit Who lives within you, Whom you have received [as a Gift] from God? You are not your own. (AMPC)
I don’t belong to myself anymore. I am now subject to God and to His Word. This idea of not being my own person any longer applies to my life as a married person, too. Mark 10:6-8 has Jesus quoting Genesis 2:24:
6 But from the beginning of creation God made them male and female.
7 For this reason a man shall leave [behind] his father and his mother and be joined to his wife and cleave closely to her permanently,
8 And the two shall become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh. (AMPC)
I cannot insist on the full (or selfishly lopsided) partnership with my husband. This “one flesh” type of partnership must be developed. We have now formed one single unit – shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The Word says the wife’s step toward developing into that single unit is to respect her husband and adapt to him. According to Colossians 3:19, the husband’s step is to love your wives [be affectionate and sympathetic with them] and do not be harsh or bitter or resentful toward them. The husband’s step is to love his wife as much as he loves himself. My step as a wife is to respect my husband and adapt to him.
There is not a woman out there that has been married for any length of time that hasn’t adapted to her husband in some way. In my current marriage, that adapting takes the form of paying attention and listening to him talk about his day, going for long drives, knowing when to bring something up, and knowing when to keep my mouth shut. I am in this marriage for the long term and so making small adaptations is something I am willing to do. I am constantly working to know my husband well enough and to love him enough to adjust my personal preferences to build and reinforce our relationship.
Fortunately, my husband loves me, makes sacrifices for me and our family, and takes care of me. But even if he did not, I am not relieved from the expectation God has for me as a wife. There are a lot of husbands out there that love themselves more than their wives and families. Women need to be on the lookout for this. My advice to young women is that if you do not think you can let your husband be the leader of your family, DO NOT MARRY HIM! If he is not willing to shepherd the family and to love the wife more than himself, DO NOT MARRY HIM! If you as a wife are not willing to adapt yourself to this man, DO NOT MARRY HIM!
I think back and wonder if I would I have listened to this advice from an older woman when I was 22 years old and “in love” with my first husband. Maybe not, but it would have done me good to hear it. Now that I have the advantage of 20 years of experience with my current husband and, even more importantly, many years of bible study, I know the truth of this direction from St. Paul. Any wife who has been married for many years will tell you that you must adapt to your husband. Comfort and empathize with him. Be loyal and take his side. Be kind to him, even when he doesn’t deserve it.
Instead of getting hung up on words like “subordinate” or “submissive,” teach younger women to understand that in a marriage you are not your own. Your service to the Lord includes adapting and committing yourself to being a single person/unit with your husband. You will have to let the husband lead. If he is a Christian, you can expect him to lead as described in Ephesians 5:25 & 28-29.
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
28 Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church. (AMPC)
Prayer: Lord, today I acknowledge that as a daughter of God, I am not my own. And as a married woman, my husband and I are one flesh, a single unit. Teach me everything I need to know to carry out these roles. Give me the strength and courage to follow Your expectations, even when others do not appreciate what I am going to do. This is not about me. It is about You and the family You have placed me in. Protect me from harm and teach me to recognize Your voice so that I can follow you faithfully every day. Thank you, Lord. Amen.